19 Oct
Dreams dreams dreams.
Essentially, what are dreams? Are they just figments of your wild imagination, free and unsuppressed in the night? Are they your subconscious desires? Your telltale dark secrets all out in the open when you’re careless with your barriers. But there’s no one else to see them but you, so they remain deep, dark, scary. Sometimes.
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Sometimes they’re like cotton candy and a carnival. Fun, funny, meaningless, and wild. They could still be a mixture of wants, needs, and mistakes.
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I had a dream just now. Of the dead and the living. Of someone surprised to see me, and about to make a place for me when I realized, it was a place for the dead. It was a restaurant over the sea, and I remember running across the bridge to meet friends.
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The crew. Sam, Jia Yi, Esther, Elsha, J-Cyn. I was late, I remember, and I was anxious to see them. When the attendant at the door saw me – it was barely a door, more like a small chalet-type restaurant – he ran. I wondered why. I thought it was because he knew that I was the one my friends were waiting for, and was about to tell them I’ve arrived. And yet, the look of terror on his face seemed misplaced.
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It was after I’ve scanned the place that I realized none of my friends were there. Instead, there were only those who have died. In fact, I just knew they were dead. They weren’t like ghosts, but were solid, like any other.
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I tried to go back out, because the only thought that came to mind then was this: “I don’t belong here.” I nearly succeeded, but the dead tried to follow. I couldn’t go back through the bridge, I tried running but then suddenly there was a high steep hill that I had to climb to get out. It was a rocky pathway, and I had to keep stepping over stones, grabbing the creaks in the stones to support myself. I nearly grabbed sand, nearly falling down whenever the dead tried pulling me.
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“Why should you live, why should we remain here? ” They kept asking. “Why do you deserve to live, and we don’t?”
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Because I’m alive.
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I even prayed as I kicked them away. Funny how my subconscious knew just who to turn to. I even felt bad for kicking the ghosts away. I was so sorry, but there was this one ghost, with big eyes, and short black hair, grabbing hold onto me, saying, “Why? Why do you deserve more than I do?”
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It was then I woke up. Another dream began.
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“Why can’t you just save us?” Darren asked. “Just stop the fucking apocalypse right now. You can, can’t you?” He demanded. “I’ll even give you my soul just to stop all this crap.”
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Nicholas didn’t say a word. He continued to hold his head between his hands, bowed down like the world’s fate weighed upon his shoulders. Which was true, in a way, Darren thought angrily.
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“Please help us,” Keith said. “Please.” He said again as if saying it twice would change Nicholas’s mind. Darren strode angrily to the motel bed, and sat down heavily, glaring at Nicholas across the room.
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“We don’t deserve this,” Keith said then. “We never did ask for this life. You could change everything. Change everything that we have done wrong and tried to make right. I’m begging you, Nicholas.”
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“You don’t understand,” Nicholas said, looking up at them with wide blown eyes. “If I do this..” Nicholas trailed off, and shook his head, laughing.
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“Tell us then,” Keith pleaded. He had turned his chair to face Nicholas and Darren was so close to yelling at Keith for going near the freak when Nicholas spoke.
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“There will always be another world, exactly the same, and this decision that you’ve make will be the turning point. Another you will suffer. Another world will face the apocalypse.” Nicholas said. “This must happen. No matter how much you don’t want to. This is the destiny of this world, and it is too late to turn it back.”
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“But it won’t be us who faces it,” Darren said adamantly. “We’ll be the ones set free from this destiny.”
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Nicholas gave a little haunted smile, his eyes a strange glow. “I know,” he said quietly, and the chill in his voice spoke volumes.
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“I will be the one who sees it all. I will be the one who sees the other Darren and Keith wishing for this. I will see their pain, their torment, their struggles as they fight to the end while you… you escape.” The spark in Nicholas’s eyes died down, and they could finally breathe again.
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Nicholas rubbed his face, sighing wearily. “Tell me,” He said, “What difference does it make to me?”
13 Oct
Remember The Time?
Hmm. I used to tell myself, that the purpose for having an LJ was to write about writing there only. Problem is, I’m such a perfectionist that if it ain’t pretty, I don’t like using it and will use it no more. Deleting past posts and starting anew is troubling because all the pretty comments goes away too. Eh, I like them. Eh, I’m weird like that.
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Making them all private seems a good idea, until I feel like something’s lacking. Restarting bores me to tears, because refriending people takes a while. :( And I like my username now!
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Ah. Bore.
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Back to the main reason of blogging.
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To whine.
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I WANT TO WRITE SO BADLY. BUT I DON’T KNOW WHY THE WORDS JUST WON’T COME. There is trouble in paradise. Why won’t you just resolve yourself? :(
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Sigh. Sigh. On another note, I love chatting with Arky. Much love. :) I had a few cool ideas to incorporate in due to her help! (It did inspire me a little, but doesn’t seem to help much in the writing area. Aw.)
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I want to write. Why won’t you come back Muse?
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Song currently listening to: Jump – Simple Plan
9 Oct
The Power of Communication!
I don’t know why, but somehow, someday, I found myself Twitter-ing and Plurk-ing on a regular basis. Now, who wants to know what I did last night at 12.49pm? :D
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P/S: Seriously. No idea what I’m doing with them. Secretly I’m waiting for the day I’ll be famous and people will be dying to follow me on Twitter or Plurk. Not secretly? I’m weird.
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P/P/S: And don’t you think this Batman Plurk theme is amazingly cool?
8 Oct
Oh Ashley!
It’s been a long time since I felt the push to write again. I gave up a few months back, thinking that it would get to no where. I’m not good enough, and even the fact that no one in my school currently, shares the same passion – has stopped me from continuing Ashley’s story.
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Who’s Ashley, you may ask. Why! She’s the main protagonist of the book I’m currently attempting to complete. I say attempting because I’m crazy.
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I don’t understand why it is that when I’m busy, I do this to myself. I’m busy. Really. So busy with so many things that I don’t even want to talk about, and situations and complex ions… (See, Chemistry has officially made me nuts.) It’s Semester 3! Apparently Hell Semester! I say, I agree somewhat. (Thing is, when things are tough, you see God’s goodness surrounding you as well.)
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Doing this to myself means pressuring myself to write, write, write. And that hour used to write – usually 1/2 am – could actually be used to study! That extra hour can be used for so much, and I choose to write. It’s difficult recently. But yeah. Is it alright to persevere I wonder. (But I love writing! But if it isn’t meant to be.. There’s always something better?)
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Ah life. Oh Ashley. You’re stuck facing the predicament that you might not be so normal after all, no matter how hard you try. And Zanefier is fighting the laws of the old. And I don’t know how to continue.
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Maybe next time then. :)
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P/S: Playing around with bold-ing and italics-ing is fun!
5 Oct
Did You Know..?
That Amy Donysos made my day today! :D It was just a simple sms or two, and it really made me smile because just reading it made me so encouraged by her growing faith.
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I love you Amy!
27 Sep
Fun Fun Fun Birthdays!
Birthdays are overrated.
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Oh wait, it isn’t?
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No! Not when good friends were born on that day. Not when they’re so totally awesome and wonderful that, man! They deserve a flour toast!
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This happened when we randomly decided to surprise Simran with cake in Bistro. I was the bait, luring him in with mentions of debate and tournaments. Half of the time I was zoning off when he was speaking, just thinking, “Hey, when are they coming in with the cake!” And surreptitiously smsing them to hurry up!
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Though, it tidak sangat jadi cause Simran could see the reflection of the flames from the window in front of him. Still, there was cheese cake! Sang, Esther, Sam and I sang the birthday song as loud as we could and we had fun. But still, the awesome flour-throwing was yet to come.
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I initially though he’d suspected it, seeing as how I was clutching Sam’s bag all the while, fingering the flour. Wanted to throw right in front of Bistro, but he still seemed clueless, and it wasn’t the right atmosphere.
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Then he wanted to walk us girls back. :P Now, that was an opportunity just waiting for us to hit on it. While he was busy eyeballing the Akasia busstop announcements, I tapped gently on his shoulder, and hit it. :D
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The result was awesome.
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I really love the fact that Deborah, a most amazing girl, actually agreed to barge into Secret Recipe, where about 25 of us were seated for the party, and shouted, “Simran! How could you leave me last night? I hate you!”
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His expression was PRICELESS. His mouth just fell open, and his eyes terbeliak man! I was so close to just cracking up and laughing right there and then. But it would have ruined the mood, so I waited until someone else laughed before I did. Of course, I didn’t plan all that. Didn’t even know it was coming, and yet, seemed like I was the main culprit eh. Built a reputation for myself, hahaha.
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Then it was time for Esther! The lovable awesome roomie!
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Esther Westher’s birthday celebration held late! It was almost a not-surprise but we pulled it off in the end! It was just one of those awesome days of hanging out, making lame jokes and watching people wearing couple-wear and shuddering at it.. And watching the movie G.I. JOE! (The movie quality sucked! I want my money back!)
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But that doesn’t matter, cause the whole day still went awesome. Without the cake and flour in her face. LOL.
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Meet Allbert Shecky! Hee.
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And then there was the other eggy, Pepsi-wet, flour and cake celebration. For Theng’s birthday, and Daniel’s and Bradley’s belated. : ) Now, that was an experience. It first started with me pretending to cry as Theng Theng consoled me. I do think that this is a rather personal matter, with me not lying, and her so concerned. It was an intense moment, and I felt terrible for pulling it on her. I thank God Theng understood. And thank God for His timing, because the cake came soon before we were to go.
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We ate cake, and then Larry initiated the prayer for them for their AUSMAT trials. Daniel, Graham, Theng and Bradley were all standing in the middle and as they closed their eyes, we stretched out our hands, and waited patiently for that someone to pour flour into our hands, ready to throw.
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With that one core word, I aimed cake. And someone threw flour over everyone else. And then someone – I haven’t found out who! – threw flour directly at my face. And then the war began.
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Eggs were thrown, chocolate cake.. and more flour!
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Towards the end, when I was about to head back, J-Cyn managed to pull an incredible feat. She poured Pepsi all over my Superman T. I screamed so loud, even guys staying blocks away heard me.
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And I got Miranda Orange on her eventually. XD
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It was so fun, seeing Sam chasing Larry all around the court, him saying, “Don’t! Don’t!” and laughing in that way of his while she chased him with such intent. Hilarious. And Jonathan Wong purposely standing at the edge of it all, saying, “I didn’t do it! I didn’t do anyone, so don’t throw at me!” He got it anyway, haha.
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Daniel was hilarious himself, kicking off slippers, and running awesomely fast to get people. And the sentence he said just right before, “Hah! My slippers are off, you’re doomed!” Or something like that.. :P I just know that I couldn’t stop laughing after.
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Theng rubbed egg all over my hand. And Esmond pulled a chunk of chocolate off my hair.
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And Sam and I forgot to bring our room key. And we were locked out. We were white, flour all over our hair and bodies, with various other icky sticky mixture of liquids and solids and we went to see someone important to our block to help us get some technician or someone to break open our door.
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It was embarrassing. And we were so dirty! To think that we could only get clean after waiting for quite some time. Thankfully we weren’t locked out altogether.
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And last but not least, was the funtastic Bryan’s birthday in which his roomies and friends, tied his hands and legs with those thick tape, dragged his ass to Dataran Cemara and we creamed him with flour (obviously) and rotten eggs (fantastic!). We had pizza and basically spent the night just throwing stuff at the tough guy who twisted his way out of his hand bonds and merely sat down at our onslaught. :D
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Finally legal boy!
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Picture courtesy of Camy.
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But yes, it was an amazing experience altogether. It was so much fun! All four birthdays were memorable, wonderful, and yes, they are all beautiful people!
