What’s On My List.

Well, what’s a girl to do when she’s no internet connection at home, and things are still not settled, and friends are calling up and crying and there’s boyfriend problems and growing up problems and Nicole is still, not right.

Change isn’t that bad a word, Chitra. Change has to happen, someday, somehow. Nothing can stay settled, and that’s the way the world goes ’round.

Nicole will take her own advice and call people up. We both have to stand firm, Chitra, stand firm in making choices, and making the right one. And to not let go, even if we can’t seem to find a connection anymore.

It’s a choice. And take that first step.

Nicole wants a picture of Eirea. She can’t quite remember how he looks like anymore. And she won’t let another person who resembles Eirea to take his place. Because that doesn’t seem right, somehow.

Nicole finds that she doesn’t jump much when she thinks of him anymore. She thinks she’s probably over Mr. Teddy Bear, and quite likes the idea, and yet doesn’t. Because it seems flimsy to like someone for just a semester, and to let go. She’s not that kinda person. Still, she’ll probably squeal if she sees him face to face again.

Even if she still doesn’t quite know what she sees in him. She asks herself that question everyday. Because he’s the opposite of everything she looks for.

Love’s like that.

Nicole’s still sorry. Sorry because she wants the chance to get to know that someone, and yet she feels like she’s blown that chance. Because words that stab still come out when she sees him. And she doesn’t like it. She doesn’t like to take this offensive stance, because he’s someone she wants to learn to understand. Because she secretly admires him, really. Only he’ll be big-headed if he knows.

So she’ll keep her silence, and take everything in stride. And one day, she’ll come to understand. Because she’s praying for good change. And He’ll provide. Believing.

Nicole will watch Twilight with Sin Yee, and laugh at all the hair-raising, goosebumps-inducing scenes with her. And will then crack up at Shu Jun’s comment on how, ‘Edward Cullen makes all real good guys look like worthless douchebags.’ Because that just ain’t true.

Nicole is going to take quiet time, listen to sermons, write and plan on the new Campus Alive blog, and write write write to inspire people, because the Holy Spirit will speak through her, because she has faith. And great things will happen. Because we’re the body, and He’ll reach out to them through us.

Cedric, no worries, Nicole to the rescue!

Oh yes. Nicole MUST finish writing the first draft, and to finish up what she’s written for NaNoWriMo. She didn’t win, by the way. Not because the juices had run dry. But because there wasn’t time. December shall be the time to complete things. And to find publishers come February. January shall be a time of editing. Yeay.

Nicole will take that one step, two step forward. Make that effort to establish something.

Will live by manga for the whole of December.

Nicole will make this holiday meaningful. And resting is one of her priorities.

3 thoughts on “What’s On My List.

  1. hmmm. all of your most recent posts have sounded really emotional and all. and down. depressed.
    and this kinda sounds like youre forcing yourself to get up again. i mean, its good la but take things slowly yeah?

    im always here if you need me okay? <3

  2. You are taking over from your senior as the official CA blogger!? What an awesome way to use your God-given talent for writing! =)

  3. hey Nicole, been reading ur blog.
    why so emo these days girl?
    we so need to catch up on msn.
    ur back in JB now right? so am i :)

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