On The Other Hand..

So, my second school semester is nearly over. Pretty quick ain’t it? Considering how I spent most of it in crutches! I’m finally getting off it. :) Yeaash! Haha.

I suppose one thing that’s pretty stark different between the first and the second is this: I didn’t blog as much… and I didn’t put up paparazzi style pictures of roommates up.

I blame the internet connection that didn’t want to cooperate for the first few months I was here. And which only worked at the end of March, when all ‘pow-wah!’ and ‘oh-neeeed’ to blog and to Facebook were ‘whoooosh’ down the drain.

I spent most times writing. Real glad I sent in entries for two competitions though I know it wasn’t the best. But yeah, writing makes me happy. (:

Oh, and oh gosh oh gosh, I finally managed to get an A in Chemistry after over a year! I’m like that close to being euphoric ecstatic crazily happy. But then again, the paper was easy. But then again, it only a 10% count. But then again, I don’t care. Because I so such at Chemistry and I have an A! Jiggly dance now. :D

Hmmm, with the coming holidays comes more work. Planning planning planning time~ Debate, CG, IT la la la. Must do my very best for the Big Boss. Big Boss say “Go” I go. Big Boss say “No” I no go.

Did up a newsletter/booklet for my school. A booklet of testimonies. I’m real proud of it. It was hard to do. Especially considering the time of doing it. But I’m glad I pulled through with Big Boss’s help. All credit goes to the Big Boss.

Someone called me Kakak Nicole and even Lady Boss. I feel like I got ‘pow-wow-wah’ Wonder if I still can make someone cry because I scare them so much mua ha ha ha.

Life’s just like that. With no more crushes. No more silly dilly dallys. With work, and studying, and making the grade because it matters just that much more. And then there are activities to make through, there are debates to join, there are matters to settle with people.. And then there are the people to get to know. And then there are the obligations. And the tears. And the sweat. And the blood that cleanses all.

You know the warmth you get when you’re surrounded with people you’re familiar with in an unfamiliar place? You know the chill you get when you’re surrounded with people you’re familiar with in a familiar place?

You know the happiness when someone gives you a compliment?
You know the disappointment when someone gives you a compliment?

I want some hugs now. Feel emo. :( Miss you huggy people who aren’t afraid to hug me wan. Emo is bad on a morning right before Ethics test.

Bye bye.

I’ve Never Felt This Way Before.

There are times when I get frustrated with people. There are times when I hate myself for being too open, for revealing too much, for making myself to be such a fool. There are times when I hate myself for caring. When I have all that I need. But I still want. Foolish foolish thoughts.

The butterflies are beautiful. They are plain, a pale muddy colour, with black spots – yet with every flutter, my heart flies. The flowers haven’t changed, the colours still remain striking, vivid – yet what calls the butterflies near? Is it the season?

I never had that someone who could hurt me so much that I would never trust again. Because I have never placed my trust in someone that much. I have never ever revealed so much. But now that I have, now that I have people who I think that I love so very much, and they let me down – with words I didn’t think would hurt, words they thought were encouraging – I feel like I can never trust anyone on this Earth again. And only the one I can will be the only one.

I try so hard. I’m sorry I did that. I’m sorry I hurt you. Even if you say you don’t care. I do.

They mean to be encouraging, they mean to say, “You’re someone I keep believing in.” or, “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you enough.” or, “I haven’t let go yet.” or, “Because I don’t think you can just yet.”

I thought I had your trust. I thought you had faith in me. I thought I was stronger now. But you proved me wrong.

You aren’t the only one.

I still haven’t forgiven. I don’t like it when people ignore the obvious, because it’s easier than to admit the truth. To let a lie go on and on, swallowing it all down, even when it stinks, it burns, it tastes horrible – and yet, so much more delicious than truth itself.

I think I shall not say a word now. I shall not tell. I shall not speak. And only when I triumph shall my mouth spill open. Maybe I should go back to before. When things were simpler, when secrets were kept. When I kept a wall. I only need only one after all.

He is my strength. He is my everything. He is my savior.

Thank you thank you thank you.

Help me overcome this please.

Please.

Please.