I’ve Never Felt This Way Before.

There are times when I get frustrated with people. There are times when I hate myself for being too open, for revealing too much, for making myself to be such a fool. There are times when I hate myself for caring. When I have all that I need. But I still want. Foolish foolish thoughts.

The butterflies are beautiful. They are plain, a pale muddy colour, with black spots – yet with every flutter, my heart flies. The flowers haven’t changed, the colours still remain striking, vivid – yet what calls the butterflies near? Is it the season?

I never had that someone who could hurt me so much that I would never trust again. Because I have never placed my trust in someone that much. I have never ever revealed so much. But now that I have, now that I have people who I think that I love so very much, and they let me down – with words I didn’t think would hurt, words they thought were encouraging – I feel like I can never trust anyone on this Earth again. And only the one I can will be the only one.

I try so hard. I’m sorry I did that. I’m sorry I hurt you. Even if you say you don’t care. I do.

They mean to be encouraging, they mean to say, “You’re someone I keep believing in.” or, “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you enough.” or, “I haven’t let go yet.” or, “Because I don’t think you can just yet.”

I thought I had your trust. I thought you had faith in me. I thought I was stronger now. But you proved me wrong.

You aren’t the only one.

I still haven’t forgiven. I don’t like it when people ignore the obvious, because it’s easier than to admit the truth. To let a lie go on and on, swallowing it all down, even when it stinks, it burns, it tastes horrible – and yet, so much more delicious than truth itself.

I think I shall not say a word now. I shall not tell. I shall not speak. And only when I triumph shall my mouth spill open. Maybe I should go back to before. When things were simpler, when secrets were kept. When I kept a wall. I only need only one after all.

He is my strength. He is my everything. He is my savior.

Thank you thank you thank you.

Help me overcome this please.



One thought on “I’ve Never Felt This Way Before.

  1. hi, i like what y wrote and i really find it a good expression of yr feeling…
    i don’t know how to help you or what exactly i can say
    but for me , i just move one
    look into the future and say “things would get better , things may change”
    and after a while , i forget and easily move on

    so , don’t think too much
    just go and leave yr life , he is not waiting for y , so dont do too

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