Il Divo.

Just spent an hour or so, watching Il Divo videos with my roommates. Seriously, we are so nuts! :D :D Haha! This is why I love them, we can spend hours just talking about our music tastes, and Sebastian, and David… :P And how we are so going to one of their concerts together.

Now, if we could only bring them to where we are..

Dreams dreams dreams.

Essentially, what are dreams? Are they just figments of your wild imagination, free and unsuppressed in the night? Are they your subconscious desires? Your telltale dark secrets all out in the open when you’re careless with your barriers. But there’s no one else to see them but you, so they remain deep, dark, scary. Sometimes.

Sometimes they’re like cotton candy and a carnival. Fun, funny, meaningless, and wild. They could still be a mixture of wants, needs, and mistakes.

I had a dream just now. Of the dead and the living. Of someone surprised to see me, and about to make a place for me when I realized, it was a place for the dead. It was a restaurant over the sea, and I remember running across the bridge to meet friends.

The crew. Sam, Jia Yi, Esther, Elsha, J-Cyn. I was late, I remember, and I was anxious to see them. When the attendant at the door saw me – it was barely a door, more like a small chalet-type restaurant – he ran. I wondered why. I thought it was because he knew that I was the one my friends were waiting for, and was about to tell them I’ve arrived. And yet, the look of terror on his face seemed misplaced.

It was after I’ve scanned the place that I realized none of my friends were there. Instead, there were only those who have died. In fact, I just knew they were dead. They weren’t like ghosts, but were solid, like any other.

I tried to go back out, because the only thought that came to mind then was this: “I don’t belong here.” I nearly succeeded, but the dead tried to follow. I couldn’t go back through the bridge, I tried running but then suddenly there was a high steep hill that I had to climb to get out. It was a rocky pathway, and I had to keep stepping over stones, grabbing the creaks in the stones to support myself. I nearly grabbed sand, nearly falling down whenever the dead tried pulling me.

Why should you live, why should we remain here? ” They kept asking. “Why do you deserve to live, and we don’t?”

Because I’m alive.

I even prayed as I kicked them away. Funny how my subconscious knew just who to turn to. I even felt bad for kicking the ghosts away. I was so sorry, but there was this one ghost, with big eyes, and short black hair, grabbing hold onto me, saying, “Why? Why do you deserve more than I do?”

It was then I woke up. Another dream began.

“Why can’t you just save us?” Darren asked. “Just stop the fucking apocalypse right now. You can, can’t you?” He demanded. “I’ll even give you my soul just to stop all this crap.”

Nicholas didn’t say a word. He continued to hold his head between his hands, bowed down like the world’s fate weighed upon his shoulders. Which was true, in a way, Darren thought angrily.

“Please help us,” Keith said. “Please.” He said again as if saying it twice would change Nicholas’s mind. Darren strode angrily to the motel bed, and sat down heavily, glaring at Nicholas across the room.

“We don’t deserve this,” Keith said then. “We never did ask for this life. You could change everything. Change everything that we have done wrong and tried to make right. I’m begging you, Nicholas.”

“You don’t understand,” Nicholas said, looking up at them with wide blown eyes. “If I do this..” Nicholas trailed off, and shook his head, laughing.

“Tell us then,” Keith pleaded. He had turned his chair to face Nicholas and Darren was so close to yelling at Keith for going near the freak when Nicholas spoke.

“There will always be another world, exactly the same, and this decision that you’ve make will be the turning point. Another you will suffer. Another world will face the apocalypse.” Nicholas said. “This must happen. No matter how much you don’t want to. This is the destiny of this world, and it is too late to turn it back.”

“But it won’t be us who faces it,” Darren said adamantly. “We’ll be the ones set free from this destiny.”

Nicholas gave a little haunted smile, his eyes a strange glow. “I know,” he said quietly, and the chill in his voice spoke volumes.

“I will be the one who sees it all. I will be the one who sees the other Darren and Keith wishing for this. I will see their pain, their torment, their struggles as they fight to the end while you… you escape.” The spark in Nicholas’s eyes died down, and they could finally breathe again.

Nicholas rubbed his face, sighing wearily. “Tell me,” He said, “What difference does it make to me?”

Remember The Time?

Hmm. I used to tell myself, that the purpose for having an LJ was to write about writing there only. Problem is, I’m such a perfectionist that if it ain’t pretty, I don’t like using it and will use it no more. Deleting past posts and starting anew is troubling because all the pretty comments goes away too. Eh, I like them. Eh, I’m weird like that.

Making them all private seems a good idea, until I feel like something’s lacking. Restarting bores me to tears, because refriending people takes a while. :( And I like my username now!

Ah. Bore.

Back to the main reason of blogging.

To whine.

I WANT TO WRITE SO BADLY. BUT I DON’T KNOW WHY THE WORDS JUST WON’T COME. There is trouble in paradise. Why won’t you just resolve yourself? :(

Sigh. Sigh. On another note, I love chatting with Arky. Much love. :) I had a few cool ideas to incorporate in due to her help! (It did inspire me a little, but doesn’t seem to help much in the writing area. Aw.)

I want to write. Why won’t you come back Muse?

Song currently listening to: Jump – Simple Plan

The Power of Communication!

I don’t know why, but somehow, someday, I found myself Twitter-ing and Plurk-ing on a regular basis. Now, who wants to know what I did last night at 12.49pm? :D

P/S: Seriously. No idea what I’m doing with them. Secretly I’m waiting for the day I’ll be famous and people will be dying to follow me on Twitter or Plurk. Not secretly? I’m weird.

P/P/S: And don’t you think this Batman Plurk theme is amazingly cool?


Oh Ashley!

It’s been a long time since I felt the push to write again. I gave up a few months back, thinking that it would get to no where. I’m not good enough, and even the fact that no one in my school currently, shares the same passion – has stopped me from continuing Ashley’s story.

Who’s Ashley, you may ask. Why! She’s the main protagonist of the book I’m currently attempting to complete. I say attempting because I’m crazy.

I don’t understand why it is that when I’m busy, I do this to myself. I’m busy. Really. So busy with so many things that I don’t even want to talk about, and situations and complex ions… (See, Chemistry has officially made me nuts.) It’s Semester 3! Apparently Hell Semester! I say, I agree somewhat. (Thing is, when things are tough, you see God’s goodness surrounding you as well.)

Doing this to myself means pressuring myself to write, write, write. And that hour used to write – usually 1/2 am – could actually be used to study! That extra hour can be used for so much, and I choose to write. It’s difficult recently. But yeah. Is it alright to persevere I wonder. (But I love writing! But if it isn’t meant to be.. There’s always something better?)

Ah life. Oh Ashley. You’re stuck facing the predicament that you might not be so normal after all, no matter how hard you try. And Zanefier is fighting the laws of the old. And I don’t know how to continue.

Maybe next time then. :)

P/S: Playing around with bold-ing and italics-ing is fun!