those who don’t try, never look foolish

“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow
If we let them and we help them in return.”
Gregory Maguire (Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West)

I daresay it’ll be a while before the emptiness in my heart fully recedes.  I don’t know how to term it. It’s simply a hollowness inside that never quite goes away. A disappointment that has cut so deep, you’ve given up.

I hoped too much, wanted too much to be like every other girl. What is it to be normal? What is it like to be different? Does everyone see themselves like any other? Or do they keep comparing, keep wanting, each never satisfied, and each wallowing in self pity they never knew they had?

You never know what you haven’t got, until you have it. And when you realize it was all an illusion, all a lie. There doesn’t seem to be any return to the innocence you once had. You want to ask, is it fair to be pulled so far, only to realize, it was never meant for me in the first place.

It was only a tease.

And now, I don’t know the truth. I know the Greater Truth, but what it says I cannot understand. If I should understand, I wonder what it means. And when you keep getting different answers from different people, the confusion only increases. And you wonder, wonder, wonder, who you are doing right for.

Myself.

“Approval is overrated…Approval and disapproval alike satisfy those who deliver it more than those who receive it. I don’t care for approval, and I don’t mind doing without.”
Gregory Maguire

And who’s to say what the real Truth is? Not until you’ve Heard.  And even then, there’s bound to be many questions, many doubts, many trials in between. And only Death can answer all your questions. Will it be too late then to know?

I don’t want to stop trying. But the emptiness has already eaten It inside out. I know now that it was all a beautiful lie. Perhaps not so much a lie but something you pretend is real. You believe so much to be happy, but its only the pretense that keeps you going.

You never were really happy. You made yourself, and believed it as you went along. Then the pretense crumbled, and you were hollow inside, all along.

“Cause getting your dreams
It’s strange, but it seems
A little — well — complicated
There’s a kind of a sort of : cost
There’s a couple of things get : lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn’t know you crossed
Until you’ve crossed.”
Gregory Maguire (Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West)

One thought on “those who don’t try, never look foolish

  1. This sounds like a moment of great trial and confusion. Where murky waters run deep and the light has left, leaving darkness to befall. In all of this, you should realize that asking such probing questions will eventually strengthen you, even in the storm. You need not take in all the answers that others give, and ponder and ponder. Try being silent, and listen. You may find that at the end of the day, there are few, but great things we hold on to in life. Things such as these will bring you to greater heights, but before that we must enter the dark valleys. : ) Take care.

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