Thats Just It

Once upon a time, I wanted to write a fantasy story about a love that could never be. It was meant to be tragic, heartwrenching, damn good.

In fact, I’m still writing it. But its evolved far more than what it was meant to be in the beginning. There are so many changes since then, and not only in the storyline. But in the people as well. That would include myself. Growing up can really make you see things in a newer perspective. You can really tell what’s changed, when your style’s changed as well.

One of the biggest differences? Something really funny. Back then, I didn’t really know what a crush was like. Seriously, I’m not even going to reveal my age when I first started writing that story, but yeah. I wasn’t all that young.

I still recall going on the forum and asking people, “How do you write about crushes? What are the emotions involved? The symptoms?” When I think back on this, I really wish I could turn back time and stop myself from asking senseless questions haha. So naive! But I really wanted to know, and I really wanted to write that really good story about a crush that turned to love, and yes, happy endings coupled with magic, fighting, and running. Oh, wow. Haha. What a story. You see it everywhere now.

Going back to that stupid question about crushes. Haha. I still have the answers saved from that forum somewhere in my laptop. :) It was a few pages long, with experience from people of all ages, all over the world. They were darn helpful, and I gobbled up every tidbit.

The way you get so excited seeing that someone you like.

Feeling happy for no reason at all, and loving the way they smile at you.

The way you count the moments they’re there, and the way you miss them when they’re not.

Thinking about what could be.

Thinking about them day and night.

The best part? I actually tried to incorporate all the little bits and pieces of every answer into my main character. It never did work out, because I didn’t really know how it was like then. It was like dumping a whole barrel of a weird fruit on someone, and asking them to make dishes with them. You don’t know how it tastes like, how it’s unique flavour would work with others, how to incorporate its scent into the dish. The same with trying to write down experiences you’ve never had.

It doesn’t work out. Not until you’ve had that touch. It doesn’t work out for all things, because some things you’ve never seen before, imagination can supply. Having a crush is not something imagination can help you out with. Because the breaking your heart part? Hard to imagine when you’ve never been hurt there before. :)

And now that I finally do?

Oh, having a crush is such a pain. Such a pain.

I’m going to forego it altogether in my story this time. ;)

And the point of this story? Nothing really. Just felt like it. Felt like announcing, that yes, you are finally dead to me. Oh, and NaNoWriMo‘s tomorrow, and there’s a quick spotter’s test on Tuesday, MTF test for Anatomy on Wednesday, Physio on Saturday and Biochem on Monday I think. Oh woe.

I’m still going to write though.

But maybe not about crushes anymore.

It just makes me realize how weird life is that the exact same moment that meant nothing to you, you meant everything to me.  Now I can’t forget, and you can’t remember.

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